Grimmelshausen Nagaland Visit Conclusion Statement

This is the full transcript of the statement by the United Nations Special Envoy to the remote hermit kingdom within India in the course of his return to the World Heritage Conservation Office, as delivered in the transit area of Dubai airport ...

This is the full transcript of the statement by the United Nations Special Envoy to the remote hermit kingdom within India in the course of his return to the World Heritage Conservation Office, as delivered in the transit area of Dubai airport hub in front of a mob of plane spotting journalists.

„Hi all. I am going to tell you a story that may break your heart even if you are not following that crowd holding hostage your eyes and ears. I came to Nagaland to meet the leaders of the place or anyone in their emergency succession chain but I met a nightmare. A nightmare that bas brought about much rumour and confusion and commercial media stampede running to happen.”

“As everyone in the world has heard, there are no leaders there or they are impossible to find. When I asked inhabitants in the streets, I always got the same answer: They are hiding inside a natural cavity. But where ever I asked for guidance to the place, all I got were ashamed giggles. Finally an old lady who who happened to fetch something from her standalone house just as I happened to pass by was able to give me a hint.“

„She directed me to a temple whose name was derived from a natural cavity in the hill looking down upon it. Being nearly deaf, she taught me that the place‘s name is only a tiny pronunciation variation than the words locals use for a specific human body cavity. I felt she was standing out in refreshing contrast to many others and thanked her.“

„As I came to the described site, the temple turned out to be well run without any pretext for complaint by a group of three foreign Vaishnava who did not understand anything of the language other than flawlessly reciting even the most lengthy of prayers and chants in their presumably Central Asian intonation. Learning of my interest, a local Elder was so kind to get me an appointment with the clerics and an interpreter.”

“I asked to be directed to the country’s leader. They ordered to tell me that she had been assassinated by terrorists and that the defenders of the faith regarded all self-proclaimed successors as rogue warlords. So I asked them, this time not as managers but as clerics, what they would recommend me to do to fulfil my mission.”

“They said their faith commanded them to believe that terrorism had a meaning bigger than that packed into it by the terrorist. They gave me a huge book of scripture and a table, asked me to take the calendar date of the terror act as a bookmark, and showed me the chapters of which they said their pronunciations were close to Nagaland’s assassinated leader’s name. Wow. Finally something to research and report.”

“The first hit was a description of an ancient warlord and his demise in which I immediately recognised the international terrorist Obama, although they wouldn’t because that one is largely unknown there. In the second hit they said they recognised their slain leader and what she felt about it at the moment crystal clear. The third hit was a chapter that ended just one verse before our bookmark. The fourth was far out of addressing range.”

“The fifth got one of the temple servants make a gesture to the translator, who showed us a framed copy of the slain President’s last written will, and is what they termed a moral verdict on the fraud scandal attached to it. The sixth hit they said was an abstract of forensic evidence on the perpetrators’ motivations and rebuke of their claims they were only following orders. There was no seventh one, but one of the men added that bookmark number five could also be read backwards without an addressing error. “

“We did and got further hints of extraordinarily specific nature with regard to the terror tactics used in the assault. The interpreter said the number of hits was exceptionally high and emphasised the gravity of the loss. They asked me to pass on some self-made incense to whoever might be able to help any further. Here you are. I had to conclude that this was clearer a result than anything to be found in the streets.”

“Now let me say something about the thug that seized power there in her succession: He stopped short of openly praising the terror attack on his predecessor and instead claimed that he had made all choices right, suggesting it would somehow have been her own fault to get killed by a terrorist while having her wheelchair driven through the crowds. He’s a traitor. Very obvious.”

“How can you see that? He is a traitor because he claims to have done something right as part of the wrong. As you know, Nagaland’s National Assembly is not a parliament with daily sessions in a building for the purpose with clearly defined membership and access but an irregular meet-up by an undefined number of people of which all that matters is whether it produces a consensus that tastes everyone well.”

“Even when there is just a single Nagaland citizen who opines that they produced nonsense he can easily perform his own National Assembly and come up with an Alternative. There are no monopolies on opinion-making or consensus-building as in dictatorships and democracies. If you compare the National Assembly of, for example, Dubai, to that of Nagaland in terms of constitutional law science, one is like a ballot sheet and the other like an empty sheet.”

“It is child-like easy to understand that a person who thinks of a white sheet as a ballot sheet is going to cross out spaces where it makes no sense. There are no checkboxes there, not even in a magic ink that only shows up on heating up like in a cash bill. Unless you are a traitor, it makes no sense to place speculations on crossing out spaces by guessing checkboxes might be printed around them at a later point just because that is what some other countries do.”

“Why is Nagaland’s way of making every citizen, infant to senior, man and woman alike, a President of National Assembly supreme to the customs in surrounding India and beyond? For the protocols, I am asking that myself as a rhetorical question for you. Here is an example. Take the fake news crisis currently haunting your guild.”

“In one instance, a fake news item was produced just in time and supplemented with the fake-fake news it had already been circulating among insiders for weeks. Some weeks later, another fake news piece comes around with the claim specific bits thereof would now have been corroborated by insiders. What kind of insiders are these who have not been on the inside of it before the public?”

“Bullshit like this can busy dictatorial and democratic assemblies over their entire lifetimes, but you need the Nagaland way of life to find it dismantled in real time. Fake news are being fabricated by government conspiracies to piss of each other, but where there are no checkboxes there are no conspiracies.”

“With just a few strikes of a pen, anyone may draw up so many things so much nicer than anything anyone could make out of a checkbox, and with unlimited choices and variations. This is true Anarchy, the best heritage of mankind. And in case you are getting of of breath it also has a donkey door for you.”

“But first the explanation why this difference on the issue of the checkboxes matters so much. The generations who grew into the digital age are familiar with the distinction between hardware and software – between the machine that provides a blanket capacity and the specific application made of it. It is of the same weight as the one between read only and random access memory.”

“The ballot-based approach to run a National Assembly, regardless to whether the procedure is unhampered or being manipulated upon, is like a machine whose range of application is crippled by fundamental flaws of its construction. Like a network where theoretically everyone can connect to everyone else, but it has a monopoly or a few oligarch marketplaces already printed upon.”

“So, if you are in a democracy, and would like to vote for Anarchy, although your daily enslavement leaves you no way to think outside the box, then do not cross it out but just leave a dot in the centre. It has to be counted, and as an election organiser you can then see how many you are. Even more important, if you later happen to blindly continue your behaviour into Anarchy it is far less of a misbehaviour than the democratic or dictatorial prescription, which is deliberately designed for that purpose.”

“To create, foster and enhance opportunities for the wrong-wrong regime there to crumble in peace, it is necessary to work upon encompassing India as a whole in order to make the wrongdoing obvious. There is no right in the wrong, as the slain President’s deceased international history teacher and favoured source of external reference, Francesco Lawnmaker, has regularly been quoted by her, such as there in no doubt in love.”

“I see you have no questions. So please return to your office desks with an independent insight on the subject of fake news of which I can see that it is taking a lot of sleep from all of you. There are no true news in the wrong: Some fake news openly come from rackets, some covertly come from rackets, and some come from free individuals in order to throw the missile chessboard until you stop playing on it. Because, as I said, it is not a chessboard.”

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