Zine: Juggling the Rainbow - personal writings about non-monogamous relationships
Dear polyamorous friends,
“Juggling the Rainbow“ is a collection of 13 personal writings about non-monogamous relationships, made in Aotearoa/New Zealand 2010.
The PDF is available as a download, but if you would like to buy a hard-copy please contact me via:
Juggling_the_rainbow@yahoo.co.nz
Cheerz, Taika
| Attachment | Size |
|---|---|
| Juggling_the_rainbow.pdf | 8.34 MB |
Comments
Thanks for instigating this
Thanks for instigating this project and sharing it! Looks like a good read.
How does the raising of
How does the raising of children come into all this.
I must be old fashioned, you're either single and playing the field.
Or in a relationship with someone.
children and non-monogamy
I am in a relationship with someone and not "playing the field". I like choice and variety. This zine does miss out on contributions where kids are de facto involved but I think non-monogamous relationships can be maintained with kids around - like if partners take over responsible roles in parenting eg. If you are interested in this particular topic, try get hold of Wendy O-Matiks book "Redefining relationships" as it includes non-monogamous people with children. There is a copy of this book at the Revolting Books Library at 128 Abel Smith St, Wellington.
Primary Partner as a Default Setting
The Primary Partner acts as a default setting to fall back on, whilst having fun exploring multiple Secondary Partners.
What happens if on this voyage of discovery, you would rather spend more time with one of your Secondary Partners (the new default setting) than your Primary Partner.
Maybe the incumbent Primary partner is, happy to become a Secondary Partner
I was one of the contributers
I was one of the contributers to this zine and though i might not have made it specific I live with two children and include my relationships to them and their parents in my model of being poly. For me its about not privileging one relationship over another simply based on whether or not you are physically intimate with someone. Though I'm not a biological parent myself I can see how hard it is for friends living in traditional two parent nuclear family units and although having young kids is still hard, some of the burden is shared around the more adults are involved in a child's life. Poly (if you can think of it more in terms of intimacy and commitment than sex) seems one way to provide this kind of supportive environment.
Hmmm...not so sure about
Hmmm...not so sure about this. Sounds like you are only trying to justify promiscuity.
How about you read the full
How about you read the full zine and challenge your way of thinking about open relationships/multiple lovers on the way? The zine is not a theoretical/academic discussion but actually speaks of people exploring and dealing with a radical way of loving. It portrays quite well what works and how and what the main keys are you need to work on, such as good communication, honesty, boundaries, intimithy etc. This has hardly anything to do with promiscuity, see Danny's article for excample - everyone involved knows what's going on and has a say and choice...
To be honest, I think
To be honest, I think polyamory is a path to emptiness and self-destruction. It betrays fundamental human bonds of affection and committment.
Full credit to you though for deluding yourself - you'll probably have a lot of fun along the way. But the chickens will come home to roost eventually. Let's see how you feel then.
OK, my earlier comment got
OK, my earlier comment got hidden. Let me put myself differently then. I have considered the stories in the zine and reached the conclusion that polyamory is wrong and immoral. Let me explain my reasons.
You say polyamorous relationships "work" based on "good communication, honesty, boundaries, intimithy [sic] etc". I'll take your word on this because I don't have any personal experience of polyamory. But so what if it "works"? The Nazi gas chambers worked well at exterminating Jews. Captialism works well at exploiting workers for profit. Just because something "works", doesn't really say anything.
I'll give you credit. I think what you are really saying is that polyamory is a private and consensual affair, and I (and all others in society) should respect your choice of lifestyle. This is fine, to a point. What you are saying is that if your behaviour isn't harming the people involved or anyone else, nobody should object to it.
Again, I think this is wrong. Is polyamory harmless? Well, consider this. Polyamory promotes a form of sexuality separate from procreation. It's all about the fulfilment of personal desires. It is inherently selfish. But, nevertheless, what is the harm? Well, all liberal Western democracies (including NZ) are experiencing declining birth rates together with aging populations. This ultimately means a decline in population, which is of itself harmful to society (what is good about a dying society?) The tolerance, let alone encouragement, of sexual lifestyles that are contrary to the family and raising of children thereby contribute harm to society.
But, I admit, what I have just said is fundamentally utilitarian, and as such, quite cold and heartless. So, let's consider another aspect of polyamory. Given the behaviour is inherently selfish, it is necessarily devoid of tenderness and love. That is because these emotions are inherently self-less. You cannot experience them if you are concerned only for yourself. So, this means polyamory is harmful to you personally. Love and tenderness are fundamentally part of human nature. Polyamorists deny this to themselves. Personally, i think that's the saddest bit.
So, go ahead and hide my comment. It will undoubtedly make you feel uncomfortable. But hopefully it will make you think next time you make a move on your "Secondary Partner"
Polyamory promotes a form of
You would have to list monogamists who use condoms in that same category, and people that masturbate, and people that live alone, and the worst kind, people that live alone, use condoms, and masturbate.
While there is a decline in the birth rates of certain ethnic groups, like Pakeha for example, the NZ populations are not declining the last time I checked.
Well if you are viewing this from a perspective of dropping birth rates, then maybe the polyamorous model should be something worthwhile considering then, since the current monogamist model is as you say, failing.
If it is birth rates that you are truly concerned about then one only has to look to the recent past to see the male centric polygamy model (vs polyamory) was the tried and true method of boosting the villages population, not monogamism.
This sounds very suspiciously akin to the yea old masturbation will make you blind belief.
If love and tenderness is fundamentally part of human nature[sic], then polyamory would be the ultimate expression of that wouldn't it.
I don't think polyamorists find discussing sexuality and relationships uncomfortable, that is more a monogamist hangup.
Polyamorists will not cause the decline in the human population 'I am Leon', food scientists are doing that all on their own.
And what's wrong with
And what's wrong with promiscuity? Monogamous and promiscuous are just socially constructed labels that have been imposed on us by male-dominant Christian morality. I consider all my sexual relationships to be completely ethical as promiscuous love-making does not exclude respect, communication, intimacy or consentual negotiation.
I wonder how many of these
I wonder how many of these people are "queer"?
Is there a link between rates of polyamory (if that's what you want to call it) and sexual preference?
Isn't this just an excuse to sleep around?
queers verus straights?!
So are you saying that queers are all about sleeping around? I guess lots of the people who wrote in the zine are queer and there is a radical side to queer identity and life(style) and polyamory is part of that. But I know "straight"/hetero people who are non-monogamous, so I would not put the lable of "those queers over there only do it" on us. There is a lot of honesty and respect involved and I don't like how you make it sound like monogomy is the only good way of living our relationships without having tried something different. Hey, it's liberating!
I'm not saying gay people
I'm not saying gay people fuck around, straight people don't. I just wanted to know whether you thought there was a correlation between sexuality and polyamory (which I view as intellectualised promiscuity). It seems the answer is yes.
What consenting adults do in the privacy of their own houses/flats/squats is their business. But it's different when you publish a zine advocating polyamory as a lifestyle choice. At that stage, you've put that issue up for debate. You should expect that some people might take and express a contrary view.
Sorry I sounded defensive!
Sorry I sounded defensive! You are totally right about me putting the subject up for discussion when I publish a zine. And yes, I do think there is a connection between queer and poly, as I personally see/live it. So what is your personal experience or are you discussion from the intellectual point of view?
I'm haven't had any
I'm haven't had any polyamorous relationships. But I don't think that disqualifies me from forming an opinion about it.
...and neither is anyone
...and neither is anyone saying that you need experience in open relationships to form an opinion about it. But it helps to know if someone is speaking from experience or something they read in a book somewhere.
How?
How?
What's your mobile phone number?
What's your mobile phone number?
excuse me! who's mobile
excuse me! who's mobile number?
I am in an open relationship
I am real happy to hear this!
I am real happy to hear this! Your long open relationship encourages me right now to keep true to myself and I go with this model the happiest. It is awesome to hear you work trough it (and yes, I dont consider it easy either - but is a monogamous relationship easy?) and maybe you wanna share your "journey"/story with people in a second zine!? :-)
Fundamentally I think all
Pluntonic
Pluntonic relationships are bound to be hard. But I think you mean platonic.
any hot guys on here want a
any hot guys on here want a hook up?
I am in an open relationship
Taika - thank you for being so frank about yourself
Yet I dare to raise a few questions! What is your position on Muslim women in certain countries, possibly even in NZ, to have men force them to have their clitoris removed. It appears to be common in certain circles in the Muslim and particular African cultural realm that this practice is followed. It is supposed to "cut out" the lust factor of women, because that may endanger them being "faithful" to prospective husbands!
And in view of this, how do you interpret your own choices to be justified, because we have over decades or centuries had the criticism from feminists and even mainstream women complaining that men are not faithful and are more likely to "cheat"?
I understand that you may wish to take the "same liberties" as certain men do, so for that nobody can criticise you. But where does this leave relationships between men and women in general, yes even society? If we all engage in free love and romantic affairs with numerous partners, does this not mean that the fabric of society becomes rather "loose"?
Also - why would I as a tax payer have to feel any obligation to pay for any possible "accident" of an armourous affair resulting in an unwanted child? The fact that social welfare caters for the livelihoods of people that have children from unknown or unwanted partners does raise the question whether this is "sociably justified", accepted or tolerable.
My undrstanding would be that if you and someone else "produce" a child, both of you are responsible to look after that child and raise it. If you feel that this may interfere with your "free love philosophy" and your liberal interpretation about society and your own lifestyle, then maybe I should remind you that most people would have little time and tolerance for this, especially once it results in offspring that you may not be able to look after! Just a thought and comment!